Nothing says the Holidays at the Derosby household, either the one I grew up in my current one, quite like the plethora of Holiday specials.  Thankfully channels like ABC Family (not a channel I really find much use for the other 11 months out of the year) have gone to great lengths to collect all the old classics.  Everybody’s got their favorites.  Here are mine.

#7:  A Cosmic Christmas:  I only ever saw this one air once and have been looking for it since, so my memories on this one might be a bit skewed.  It was one of the first animation efforts from a little Canadian company called Nelvana and consisted of 3 interstellar “magi” who travelled to Earth looking for a certain star.  A young boy finds them and teaches them the LBJ story.  I found it on Youtube this afternoon, but I don’t think I will watch it  just to keep it that way (what little of it I did see was horrid at best.)

The 3 Space Magi from "A Cosmic Christmas"

 #6:  John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together:  I was never a huge John Denver fan, but the Muppets are another story.  The Muppets (at one time) put together the cheesiest movie or tv special (and did on a regular basis) and people loved it all the more for it.  Add one of the few Christmas songs I can listen to without wanting to tear my hair out (and I can name every muppet singing in the order they chime in) and you’ve got one of my all-time favorites. 

John Denver and the Muppets (both sides of the album cover)

#5:  Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer / Rudolph’s Shiny New Year:  These two go together in my list.  Rudolph, one of the first of the Rankin/Bass specials is rough around the edges and borders on creepy at times, but it’s still a classic and put R/B on the map.  The shiny new year is really well done with a great story, memorable characters that have nothing at all to do with either New Year’s or Christmas, and superior claymation to its predecessor.  The only drawback?  The lone Derosby sister to this day calls me whenever it’s on to remind me to watch my “twin”, Happy, the Baby New Year, the only human child with ears bigger than mine were.  Where it’s the holidays and all, I won’t tell you what I say in return.

Rudolph & Happy, The Baby New Year

#4:  The Year Without a Santa Claus:  About as perfect as you’re going to get.  The music is great.  The characters are fantastic.  Mr. and Mrs. Claus each get equal screen time (Mrs. saving the day of course) and you really get to see the human side of the big guy.  He’s sick, tired, and slightly disgruntled, but still puts on the red suit and does his thing.  The Blue Christmas letter got both my girls this year (that’s so sad Daddy).  The Heat and Cold Misers steal the show however, and at maybe 5 minutes of total screen time in the 25 minute show.

He's Mr. White Christmas

He's Mr. Green Christmas

#3:  Santa Claus is Coming to Town:  Who doesn’t get chills when you hear the Mailman, voiced by legend Fred Astaire, start reading those letters at the intro to this one?  I have to admit, after seeing this one, if Santa doesn’t sound like Mickey Rooney, he ain’t Santa.  The voice was and is still the one and only perfect Santa in my book.   Add to the mix some of the best music in any of the Rankin/Bass specials, and characters like the Winter Warlock, the Kringles, and the Burgermeister Meister Burger and this one is at the top of the list.

Kris Kringle and his new Friend

#2:  How The Grinch Stole Christmas:  Boris Karloff reading a Christmas story?  And it’s about an anti-social A-hole who hates the holiday so much that he robs a town blind and they still invite him to dinner?  This is the REAL Grinch, the Chuck Jones classic.  I love Jim Carrey and all, but I cannot stand that movie.  Chuck had it right from start to finish and even got the Doctor’s stamp of approval for it.   Chuck Jones animation was perfect and still holds up against the modern, computer generated animation of today.

Santy Claus tells Cindy Lou Who to get back to bed

1#  A Charlie Brown Christmas:  This one is DVRed for year-round viewing pleasure, as it brings on the Christmas like none other on the list.  My favorite part of the show is of course the amazing and memorable score by Vince Guaraldi.  Linus and Lucy is one of the few other Christmas Carols I can not only stand but have on my Ipod for off-season enjoyment.  The script is choppy, presented more like a string of comic strips and one-liners than a coherent story, but it works.  The animation borders on horrible, but it still manages an endearing charm almost in spite of itself.  The obviously uncoached voice talent just makes it feel more real (Sally kills me every time, as she has some of the best lines in the show).  Whether you’re a blockhead, a Christmas Queen, a fan of that Beethoven guy (who doesn’t even have his picture on bubblegum cards), or just a lowly shepherd with dog germs, you can’t help but love Charlie Brown and the gang.

The Christmas Pageant from A Charlie Brown Christmas

Happy Holidays from the Derosby Brothers.   Thank you for visiting us this year and we hope to see more of you in the year to come.

I think this one turned out better than the last few I’ve done.  Still not my best but I’m getting back into the groove.  Thanks for all the positive comments on my last few posts (not deserved, but appreciated nonetheless). 

The Derosby Brothers would like to wish all 3 of our fans a Happy Holiday season.  Especially Festivus, our holiday of choice.  Thanks for tuning in and putting up with us all year.

The topic of toilet humor came up at my house recently.  If one does not know my family, I am married to one sexy senorita and we have a three and a half year old daughter, Sofie.  I am all for using toilet humor and making dirty jokes, but never in front of my daughter.  I still laugh at poop jokes, but you have to admit, they are funny.  However, I also never say poop jokes in front of her either.

But last week, the poop jokes have been coming out of Sofie’s mouth.  She is saying words like “poopy” and statements like “my pee smells like Cheerios”.  These aren’t just generalized comments but things that make her laugh.  She will start dancing, wiggle her butt at us and say, “Daddy, smell my butt”.  No one in my house, or family, has ever told another one to “smell their butt”.  But she has been using it in her repetoire.

So today, on her way to daycare, she began singing one of her favorite songs “Free Fallin” by Tom Petty.  But instead of the normal lyrics, she made up her own, entirely on her own, without anyone else adding to it.  The part of the Petty song goes as follows…

“Now, I’m FREEEEE….Free Falling”

Her updated lyrics were as follows:

“My Pooooopeee.  Pooopiee Butt.”

This is not a joke.  This was a serious song.  My question is this, “Is toilet humor like ingrained?  Are we born with it?  Are jokes dealing with poop and pee naturally funny?  Discuss.

I would like to start out this post by thanking all who support the amazing work we do on Derosby Brothers.com.  I hope that my comments do not anger you enough to avoid the work we do here on this site.

This morning I woke up to hear the news that Cliff Lee, the top free agent of this year’s baseball class, had signed a five year 120 dollar deal with the hated Philadelphia Philles.  Of all the teams out there, I despise them them most, for their obnoxious attitude and their winning of the NL East year after year.  They are successful and the results of their winning allow them to spend.  It is a current situation of spending money to make money.  They have built up a solid fan base and with each successful year, they bring in more money due to games, clothing, etc…  That is why it is sometimes important to step up to the plate and spend the money when it is called for.

That being said, I must admit that this rotation is downright nasty, but only for the 2011 season.  First of all, for those that know little about baseball, their rotation stands as

1.  Roy Halladay

2  Cliff Lee

3.  Cole Hammels

4.  Roy Oswalt

5.  Joe Blanton

That is a scary rotation as the top four can be an ace on almost all teams.  However there is reason to worry at 2012 and beyond.  First of all, the Phils rotation is expensive; very much so.  They have two starters in their rotation making over 20 million dollars.  And while Roy Halladay is a beast, he is still in his 30′s.  Lee will be 33 when his contract begins, and with his contract having a 6 year in there or a 13 million dollar pay out, he will be 39 when it ends.  Lee was ok this year, better in the postseason, He also struggled with back issues all year so I would be worried he would break down.  Does that mean I would not sign him?  Hell no, they were smart to do so.

The Phillies have an opportunity to have a rotation that rivals the 1990s Braves rotation of Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz, Avery, and Leibrandt.  They were downright dominant and have three Hall of Famers in the rotation.  Currently I would just say that Roy Halladay is a HOF, maybe Oswalt but I think the Astros team he was on will hurt his numbers.  Cliff Lee, while good, is not HOF worthy, especially if Jack Morris isn’t in.

The Phillies farm system is in tatters.  They have traded everyone away and have little left in the minors to bring up.  The current starting 9, while good, is getting older.  Utley has been dealing with injuries for the past year, Ibanez fought in the First World War, Rollins has slipped since is MVP season, and Ryan Howard will slowly make the Phils regret that contract.

Again, would I have signed Lee?  Yes.  Will they be hampered by huge contracts and an aging team in two or three years?  Definitely.  But they are built to win now.  The only thing I could give for advice is that one day you will be like the Mets, tearing down a team that was built purely on money.  The Mets are now having to stand pat as everyone, including the Phils get better.  They have set aside a 5 million dollar spending limit; though Sandy Alderson says there is no limit.  But after this year, they will drop almost $60 million dollars from their budget.  Maybe they will spend smarter than before.

Now on to the Boston Red Sox.  This winter they started by trading three prospects for Adrian Gonzalez.  I think this is a good move, except his surgery, he should be a monster in Fenway.  He is a great defensive infielder and a heavy hitter.  He will give the Sox the hitter they have missed since Manny Ramirez.  The major issue will be the length of the contract.  Rumors are that it will be 160 for 7 years.  That is a long contract and if he gets hurt or hits a downslide, like Vernon Wells, Alex Rios, and Carlos Beltran.  That is a large hit it he fails or does not respond how Red Sox nation demands.  But overall, this is a smart move.  They are a big market club and they showed it.

The other contract worries me more.  I like Carl Crawford and think he is a good player but is he worthy of being one of the highest paid players in the game?  I am not so sure.  He will make 142 over 6 years and play OF for the Sox.  Crawford is very athletic and young.  Those are two good components to have and  a major reason they were willing to give both Gonzalez and Crawford contracts like that.  However, Crawford is all about speed.  He has stated that he is moving away from that.  What happens if he has hamstring issues?  Jose Reyes has been plagued by it and has become a major issue.  I would be more concerned by this.

So in the end, I think they are all very smart moves, Crawford being the only suspect one.  I like the Lee move but hope his back doesn’t go out in the first few years of the deal.  In the fifth and six year, it does not matter.  I think they will be an old club by then looking to rebuild.  Sure they will have to sit on those deals until they run out, like Beltran, Perez, Castillo, but they will have a few more playoff appearances by then.  The Sox made some great moves and have a strong lineup, but how will the pitching staff support them.  Will Lackey, Beckett, and Dice-K make it back to form?  Will the Phillies have enough bullpen help to keep those wins.  The only thing I do not want to hear is that the Yankees only win championships by buying them.  The Red Sox and Phillies just did the same thing.  The Sox have bought or traded and paid for the following players:  Gonzalez, Scutaro, Saltamacchia, Beckett, Lackey, Dice-K, Cameron, Crawford, JD Drew.  Their homegrown talent is good but they have definitely used their Red Sox money to trade then pay for guys.  The Phils whole rotation except Hammels is bought and paid for, including two 20 million dollar pitchers there.  They have a homegrown infield, counting Pollanco for second run as a Phil, but that rotation is the key.

The key to success is to build talent, then trade it for major league players.  Keeping minor leaguers, like the Royals, only equal to having great minor league teams.  All the while, their major league club sucks, big time.  So the Sox and Phils made some great moves, however no more crying when the Yankees sign the latest free agent by throwing money around.  There is more than one guilty party there.

Now what do the New York Yankees do considering they planned on signing Lee, and maybe even Crawford.  Crawford is an excellent Plan B, but his early signing hurt Brian Cashman’s chances of picking his second choice, if for some reason, Lee signed somewhere else.  I think this will truly show if the Yankees just buy their talent or if Brian Cashman really is a good general manager.  For years, I have said that one major attribute that few clubs had, except teams like the Yankees and Red Sox, was an ability to make their farm system look like the Garden of Eden.  Every minor league player in each organization is a future HOF player.  Teams are willing to trade with both clubs because they feel their lower, cheaper talent is better than in other organizations.  However, teams like the Royals have major talent at the low levels but are never buyers, always sellers in the market.

Some of the steps taken by the Yankees are interesting, yet necessary.  First of all, they signed Russel Martin to a one year deal. This ensures that Jorge Posada has likely seen his final days behind the plate, providing them with a power DH.  The problem the Yanks have is that they have several of those exact players, as age is catching up to them.

The next player they signed is the oft injured, arm of a God-body of an old woman, pitcher Mark Prior.

This exact scene has been witnessed multiple times throughout his career.  Just one look at the picture and  I already know that we have a Prior and a trainer.

This is a low risk, high reward signing if he even comes close to reaching the potential he had out of college.  Will he?  I would not draft him in any fantasy league but one never knows.

So what do they do?  I have heard the names Zack Greinke or Carlos Zambrano.  Can they really handle the NY spotlight?  I wouldn’t think so, quickly reviewing their past issues.

In the end, who really won here.  Well in the short term both the Phils and Red Sox won.  Teams like the Mets, while unhappy, are not as affected as one might think.  They were not going to contend this year, as they do not currently have one ace, much less four.  It hurts teams like the Tampa Bay Rays, who were torn apart by free agency and the lack of finances.  It hurts teams like the Yankees and Blue Jays, who watched the Red Sox virtually take the AL Title.  It hurts the Rangers, who now need a plan B in finding someone to replace the loss of Cliff Lee.  It will be an interesting year, seeing how these contracts play out.  But more importantly, it will be fun to look back, say four years from now, to see who really was most affected by these moves.

“THANK YOU JESUS”

That is what Carl Crawford is saying at this moment.  Just yesterday, Jayson “Jesus” Werth signed a 7 year 126 million dollar contract with the Washington Nationals.  He will be 32 when the season begins and goes from a bandbox known as CBP to a cavernous stadium in Washington.  In total, he has had only one and a half good season.  Seems like a lot of money .  This will soon be on the worst MLB contracts of all time list, if it isn’t already.

If Werth got that contract, what will Crawford get?  8-10 years, 180 million?  Stay tuned true believers.  The Nationals just screwed up the market…Big Time.

I had heard fairly good things about the reinvention of the Nightmare on Elm Street film, but I was skeptical of it nonetheless.  Regardless of what many say, this is not merely a remake like other slasher films such as Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  All the monsters from those movies hide behind masks.  Any former wrestler can play those parts, as long as they can walk faster than the victim can run.  That is the only prerequisite.  But Freddy is a much different beast.  He has a distinctive look, and only Robert Englund has played the part.  So it will take time for viewers to recognize Jackey Earle Haley as Freddy.  In fact, one of my only real issues with this movie was that they should have used Robert Englund.  He is Freddy.

Besides that, the movie is very surprising, in a good way.  Except for one of the girls, Katie Cassidy , most all of the actors look like they could potentially be in high school.  That was an issue in the original.  There is a lot of violence, taking some of the good scenes from the original.  They didn’t bastardize them but created an homage to the Wes Craven movie (by the way, I watched a show on the making of the first movie.  It was very interesting and I never knew all the issues they had making the first one).  The story was actually more compact than the original, as they made sure to confront the story behind Freddy.  The 1984 movie created more of a boogie man, someone who haunted our nightmares.  This followed the pattern of a “Ring” movie, where the villain is only trying to avenge their own death.

On the Bob rating, I would give it

While he is all for good horror movies, the senseless violence and gore never appealed to him.

On a normal ranking, I would give it an 8 out of 10.  It was extremely entertaining, and I recommend it to people who enjoyed the original.

I was recently chatting on the phone with an old friend, a Mr. B.Daddy, and he recommended that I watch a “B” horror flick, Thankskilling.  If it sounds intriguing, that is because it is about a killer turkey.  He mentioned he watched it merely for the cheese factor and that got me to thinking, what about all those old crappy movies my father rented us as kids.

If you don’t know about our family, my father is a movie freak.  He owns thousands of movies, mostly on tape because he still sees the new innovation of DVD as still in its infancy.  Now this alone isn’t enough to make fun of him but it is the specific movies he owns which make his collection special.  He has bought some of the crappiest movies ever to be made, and sometimes when he forgets he bought it once, he buys it again.  But it goes much further than that.

He is also known to rent movies that have tricky names.  There have been numerous occasions where one of us boys goes over to find that he rented “Snakes on a Train” or “Transmorphers”.  Am I making this up?  Sadly I am not.  Check it out on IMBD if you do not believe me.  And if Movie Gallery was still open, I would love to have had a copy of his rental history.

When we were kids, he would rent movies from Northeast Video in Waterville, Maine.  He would bring himself home a new Chuck Norris or Charles Bronson while at the same time bringing his boys home the newest horror releases.  It was not only the known movies but the crappy ones like Troll 2.  This set us on a collision course with “B” movies, which inevitable led us to the greatest “B” horror series of all time “Evil Dead”, staring Bruce Campbell as Ash.  If you have not seen Army of Darkness, you should immediately punch yourself in the face for you have missed out on so much.

With this sordid past, I have decided to create a new movie ranking, based on Robert Derosby.  Each movie will be ranked from one to five, based on the very intricate Bob renting policy

ONE BOB:  I would not add this movie to my collection…and I have some crap in my collection.

TWO BOBS:  It has an 80s star or a former wrestler in it.  It must be good .

THREE BOBS:  2 well known actors.  Enough said.

FOUR BOBS:  It may not have dead Nazis, a lot of explosions, or Sly Stallone as a cop on the run, but I think this is going in my collection.

FIVE BOBS:  I need to buy this movie for my sons for Christmas.  3 copies of Transmorphers please.

For the past few years, I have been working on my first novel, Purgatory.  It was indeed a process of writing and rewriting, editing and then editing it once again.  A storyboard was created, used, scrapped, redone, then finally used to create a strong finished product.

I finally completed the product in the end of July, after having both Craig and Keith read and edit it.  I then fixed all my mistakes, which were many, and placed the final period on the story Purgatory.  It was one of my greatest accomplishments as most people talk of writing a book but few get around to it.

So I sat down and wrote, what is called, a query letter.  It was a one page letter which covered several topics.  I had to give a brief, and I mean brief, synopsis of my novel.  My 255 page book was reduced to one paragraph.  This was tougher than I thought.  I had trouble because my novel is really original and has many moving parts.  After that, I had to inform the reader of who I was, in a brief biography.  Who am I?  Well this was my first novel.  After that?  Hmmm, married, child, history, video games, Mets.  These aren’t exactly selling points; especially my love of the Mets.  Basically I spent one page selling my book.  And again, this is a tough tough process.  Everything has to be perfect.

Next came the process of finding a literary agent.  Once I finished my book, I thought, “no problem with this one.  I will just send it to the agent that interests me most and wait for the request to read my manuscript”.  Unfortunately, that was my first rejection.  I re-read the agent’s website and decided that maybe my genre just wasn’t “for him”.  So I found several more agents that specialized in both young adult lit, as well as historical fiction.  I knew, just knew, they would all say yes.  However, more rejections.

So here I am 14 rejections later.  I am a bit closer as an agent did ask to read my manuscript.  14:  No/ 1: Yes.  While that is considered a minor slump in baseball if a batter went 1 out of the last 14, it is considered a minor victory in the writing world.  Sure my hit was a bloop single.  If she shows more interest, then we can make it ground rule double.

The reason I write this is because it was an eye opening and humble experience; one which I am still stuck in.  I currently have 50 query letters out, with only one yes.  I am sure a lot of the agents haven’t got around to reading my letter, some never will.  One agent sent me a rejection letter just minutes after I sent my query.  In his rejection response, he apologized for it taking so long to get back to me and said this project may not be for him.  Hmmm, a long time in responding?  It was minutes.  It MAY NOT be for him?  It either is or isn’t.

I am not worried that eventually someone will pick up on my novel and they will be happy they did.  It is original and not the typical vampire/wizard book that young adults normally read.  I have had four people read it and heard great responses from them.

So I won’t give up and I will keep plugging away.  Maybe this agent that asked to read my book will be excited enough to want to work with me.  Maybe she won’t and I will move on.  I might be surprised and have several of those 50 agents ask for my manuscript.  They could also all turn it down and I will continue my search.  Either way, I have to be patience.  I don’t really have a choice.

PURGATORY: coming soon

This afternoon, my wife and I went to see our first 3D film, and first film in the theaters since “The Dark Knight”, and it was easily the best film of the year.

Make no mistake, Toy Story 3 is darker and more adult-oriented then the other Toy Story films, or any other Pixar films.  One could see that Pixar was into making more real movies with UP but Toy Story 3 knocked it out of the park.  I don’t want to give away too much but I will give you a brief scoop that you could see on IMDB.

Toy Story 3

 Andy is going to college and decides to leave his toys behind, well except Woody.  By mistake, the others are sent to a day care and Woody does his best to rescue them.  There are so many scenes where you feel a part of the film and cheer for them to succeed.  When they are sad or in pain, Pixar does a great job of making you feel like you are a part of it.  It keeps its laughs and smiles, but make no mistakes, there are heartaches.

There are questions concerning loss, mortality, and fear of the unknown.  It is a very touching and moving film.  I do recommend this film to anyone and everyone.  The visual effects are absolutely stunning but I found myself getting lost in the story.

Two of us are fathers, maybe the slacker will be someday too. Best wishes to all of our dad fans and readers out there (all 3 of you) and thank you all for your support.