Last night Boy and I attended the Summer “Blockbuster” Transformers: Dark of the Moon, courtesy of free tickets given to us by my wife’s co-worker and best friend (thanks to Sue-Ellen & Jim). I’d heard bad things and a few good things, (for the bad things, see the link below) but thought the price was right, no matter the quality of the movie. My take? That may very have been the most expensively polished turd I’ve ever seen on the silver screen. Bay cut his teeth directing music videos and it shows more in this movie than any other. I will give him this much, he provided some of the best action sequences and special effects I’ve seen to date. The problem is that they’re tied together so loosely and poorly the movie has no backbone and barely stands under its own weight.
The way I explained it to my son was that this was the style for music videos in the 80′s and early ’90′s. The director could string together a few random scenes that didn’t have to make much sense as the video was really about the song. As music usually tells some sort of story (even if the message is extremely simplistic as it tended to be in the ’80′s), it did most of the work. Take the song “Running down a Dream” for example. The director could show shots of Tom Petty running down an alley, having a nightmare, rehearsing with the band, Tom in concert live on stage, a car chase, running in a field, a beautiful woman partially obscured in haze, and end it with Tom playing guitar in bed. The viewer would tie the song to the images to figure out what’s going on. This may be sufficient for a 5 minute music video (sometimes, there were occasions where even the viewer said “what the hell is going on here?”), but really doesn’t work for a 2 hour movie. Bay obviously had a great idea for a plot, but had no idea how to tie it all together. So all we’re left with are random shots to try to piecemeal together on our own.
Bay’s directorial weak points seem to be characterization, continuity, and humor. I don’t think Bay has any idea how to develop characters other than through the path of the story, which limits any viewer attachment solely to the main character. Tertiary characters were almost non-existent in this movie because they were just used as background. There was very little fleshing-out of the characters, especially with most of the Transformers themselves. You walk away from the movie knowing Sam, his girlfriend, and few others. Some of the characters with the most potential, the new Autobots, Soundwave, and the new badass on the block Shockwave, received minimal screen time and were wasted on the story.
Bay’s attention to continuity was non-existent in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and he continued the tradition in this film. Characters disappeared for awhile (sometimes in mid-scene) then popped up an hour later as if they’d never left. Scenes chopped from one to the next with no flow (getting back to the music video background I’d discussed earlier). My son noticed that Bumblebee went from rescuing Sam to being captured with the other Autobots seconds later. Bay tried to conceal this inadequacy with blinding flash of CGI, action, explosions, loud music, and metal flying in every direction. To some degree it worked because it’s impossible to follow anything when being assaulted with that much sensory noise. But the weak story couldn’t be hidden for long and I left the theater feeling cheated.
As in the second movie, I was unimpressed with Bay’s attempt at humor. He tried a combination of potty humor an 8 year old boy would find hilarious, but mixed in the borderline gross sexual innuendo of a blue stand-up comedian, making the content unacceptable for the younger demographic who have more desire to see this movie and inclination to buy the tie-in merchandise. Add to that the fact that every human antagonist for Sam came off as a lewd, creepy, perverted douchebag. It’s like he took one antagonist character, ripped pages out of that script, and handed it to 5 actors, creating 4 new characters for the film just to add a few more big names to the credit roll. Then there was Sam’s Girlfriend, newcomer Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (who for the record I didn’t think was all that hot) who seemed to be a bigger concern to Bay than say, telling a good story. Nick’s first comment when leaving was “the movie was more about how hot she was than what was happening to the Transformers”. That’s my boy. I was proud of him when he caught that. One shot of the girlfriend leaning over the hood of the car was enough. We get it Mike, she’s hot. Every scene she was in? Overkill. Add to that the fact that she’s a sub-par actress and not as hot as she thinks she is? I say get rid of the girlfriend altogether and bring in a girl that can keep up with the boys. How about wearing sneakers instead of heels when you’re running through a burning Chicago?
I’d heard that the first half of this movie was as bad as the second film, but the second half made up for that. After seeing the movie, I disagree with that statement. I thought the movie in its entirety was bad. My friend Dave saw the film opening weekend and was rather vocal about his opinion, which I’ve got to agree with whole-heartedly. Check out his review as well as it’s a riot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB6IhkoVUr0&feature=channel_video_title
The good news is Bay’s control over the franchise is at an end. The bad news is the movie made so much money that Hollywood thinks the guy craps gold. I’m guessing he’ll turn up in another year or so to destroy another childhood memory.
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