New Movie Rating
I was recently chatting on the phone with an old friend, a Mr. B.Daddy, and he recommended that I watch a “B” horror flick, Thankskilling. If it sounds intriguing, that is because it is about a killer turkey. He mentioned he watched it merely for the cheese factor and that got me to thinking, what about all those old crappy movies my father rented us as kids.
If you don’t know about our family, my father is a movie freak. He owns thousands of movies, mostly on tape because he still sees the new innovation of DVD as still in its infancy. Now this alone isn’t enough to make fun of him but it is the specific movies he owns which make his collection special. He has bought some of the crappiest movies ever to be made, and sometimes when he forgets he bought it once, he buys it again. But it goes much further than that.
He is also known to rent movies that have tricky names. There have been numerous occasions where one of us boys goes over to find that he rented “Snakes on a Train” or “Transmorphers”. Am I making this up? Sadly I am not. Check it out on IMBD if you do not believe me. And if Movie Gallery was still open, I would love to have had a copy of his rental history.
When we were kids, he would rent movies from Northeast Video in Waterville, Maine. He would bring himself home a new Chuck Norris or Charles Bronson while at the same time bringing his boys home the newest horror releases. It was not only the known movies but the crappy ones like Troll 2. This set us on a collision course with “B” movies, which inevitable led us to the greatest “B” horror series of all time “Evil Dead”, staring Bruce Campbell as Ash. If you have not seen Army of Darkness, you should immediately punch yourself in the face for you have missed out on so much.
With this sordid past, I have decided to create a new movie ranking, based on Robert Derosby. Each movie will be ranked from one to five, based on the very intricate Bob renting policy
ONE BOB: I would not add this movie to my collection…and I have some crap in my collection.
TWO BOBS: It has an 80s star or a former wrestler in it. It must be good .
THREE BOBS: 2 well known actors. Enough said.
FOUR BOBS: It may not have dead Nazis, a lot of explosions, or Sly Stallone as a cop on the run, but I think this is going in my collection.
FIVE BOBS: I need to buy this movie for my sons for Christmas. 3 copies of Transmorphers please.
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